Grief
The phone rings, ring-a-ling
The voice drips poison on the end of the line
I glance at my roommate eating cocoa puffs, watching re-runs
I’m not good with it, “Give us some time”
His mother died two months ago
I was the one who drove him home from the funeral
That was cancer, he saw it coming
My idea lightbulb’s stuck, heart thumping
“Hey brother let’s get going,” while I shudder
Brother? Why did I say brother? Oh, brother
”You drove last, I’ll drive this morning”
My Chevy S-10 fires up, V-6 roaring
Strapped in, we’re good to go
Sing songs or my brain’s gonna explode
My mouth is parched and I’m squirming
Sobbing on arrival if I’m not informing
They can handle it better
I’m just the driver during foul weather
The sun is high in the sky as we drive
Ring-a-ling, my heart is full of knives
His Dad has called weeping loud
My friend sobs with his head bowed
The phone call ends, he strikes the dash
”Did you know?” I nod, abashed
He cries and cries and cries
And reaches for a CD while wiping his eyes
Grown men hold hands and bellow
”Even though, It is Well With My Soul”
I felt everything without expression
Keeping it together I hoped was a blessing
We burst through his Dad’s front door
A pile of friends huddled weeping on the wood floor
And I left
And I don’t know why I left. I never cried. I did my duty and dropped him off at his door in the good care of his closest family and friends after receiving the news that his brother had just died in a plane crash.
I knew my duty was not done but I didn’t have the emotional intelligence to know what to do. There was no training for this.
If the only pre-requisite for death was missing
Then what I was doing wasn’t living
Looking back I wish I didn’t leave
While my friend sank in grief
Copyright © 2021 by Matt Antis. Originally published in Poet’s Guild’s Poem-A-Week on February 27, 2021, by Ink Jot Kingdom.
